Emotional Support Sisters

When I’m under stress I lose my train of thought easily or have a hard time coming up with the words I need. Stress can come from anything:  something exciting, something scary, something painful, something important, etc. Writing my thoughts down helps me process my emotions, and remember everything that I need to communicate. Now, obviously, I don’t always have time to pre-write everything, but if I do have the time it is so helpful.

I have had a few key instances in my life that this has helped me.

The first instance is actually a major event shortly after giving birth to my second child. The day I was leaving the hospital I started to feel like I had a UTI. The discharging doctor, not my normal ob, said it was just irritation from the catheter I had had. I was young, had just been through a traumatic labor, and had not learned to advocate for myself in medical settings, so I just accepted what he said at face value. Fast forward a day or two. I felt uncomfortable, and like something was wrong, but couldn’t articulate what was wrong. I went into my ob’s office and saw her Nurse Practitioner or Physicians Assistant, I can’t remember which credentials she had. She took my temperature, which I rarely run a fever, and surprise (not) it was normal. She said I was just tired and recovering from a traumatic birth. On top of feeling uncomfortable, nursing became so painful I had to take the narcotics prescribed to me before I could nurse. The next day I could not sit, stand, or lie down comfortably. I was so uncomfortable I stopped functioning. I couldn’t even make a coherent thought. I tried to tell my mom something about side effects, and the only word I could come up with was after symptoms. Thankfully my mom, who is a nurse, took charge of the situation and told the doctor’s office we were coming and not leaving until we had an answer. I wrote down all the symptoms I was feeling so I wouldn’t have to think through them while I was at the doctor. After doing many assessments, I had her stumped also. She said everything sounded like an infection, but she did not see any signs of an infection. She prescribed me an antibiotic and then sent me to do a urine sample, just in case it was a UTI. The urine sample came back positive for an infection, and within 24 hours of starting the antibiotics, I felt like a new woman and bonus nursing stopped hurting. Turns out I had a UTI and mastitis at the same time with no fever. I learned two things from that experience. The first is writing when in pain helps me keep track of everything. The second is that I know my body. If I think something is wrong, something is wrong. Don’t let others tell you otherwise.

Recently, I have seen a few new doctors. Trying to remember when certain symptoms started, or different things have happened, or what medicines I have used or am currently using is sometimes difficult on the spot. I have started a document that keeps track of everything so I don’t have to try and remember. It also has a list of all the herbs I take.

Another instance I pre-write is if I have important things to discuss with a family member. I will write a few notes down so I don’t forget everything. I tend to get distracted by side conversations that start when discussing things. If I have an agenda, for lack of a better term, even if the conversation goes down a rabbit hole, once the rabbit hole is explored, we can go back to the other things I need to talk about. It may make the situation less organic feeling, but I get everything done that needs to get done.

Sometimes my husband and I have to discuss a topic that makes both of our emotions run high. After years of marriage, and reading about good communication in marriage, my husband and I have a process to bring up these hot-button topics. Whichever of us wants to discuss the hot-button topic addresses the other by saying either in person or through text “I need to discuss hot-button topic. It will take (however much time we think the discussion will take) minutes. When in the next few days do you have time to talk about it?” If I am the one requesting the discussion, I will often pre-write or pre-think through the discussions so I have time to process the emotions I might feel. This leads to a much calmer discussion in which we (really mostly I) are less likely to explode and say things we (mostly I) don’t mean to say.

The last thing I use writing for is to process an event or emotion. I don’t do well writing a regular journal, but will write a “blog post”- I’ve done this long before I had an actual blog to post on. I sometimes write it out in a text that may or may not ever get sent. Freeing whatever happened from my mind and putting it on paper makes it so I don’t have it running over and over again in my mind. This also works for when my mind turns on worried I’ll forget everything I need to do the next day right before I fall asleep. Write it down and forget it.

As I am writing this, my youngest has the Jigglypuff sleepy song playing on repeat. It has lulled me into a stupor, and have no more brainpower to process a conclusion to my thoughts on writing instead of talking. Sorry 

Missy