Emotional Support Sisters

When babies transition to the toddler phase of life they tend to develop a new phrase; “I do it myself!”As a parent sometimes it’s adorable, like if they pick out the Spiderman t-shirt with the princess dress and snow boots as the outfit-of-the-day. Other times it’s enough to drive you to insanity, like when they have to buckle their own car seat even though you’re already late and it is raining on you while you wait for them to buckle.

Sometimes kids grow out of that phase, and sometimes they (meaning me) never really learn to accept help. Until… I became a parent with chronic illness and had to parent neurodivergent kids.

I tried to do it myself. I have the experience and training to do it myself. I took all the education classes in college. I worked at a special needs summer camp. I did an internship in a special needs preschool. I did respite care all through college. I had the knowledge and a good amount of experience. All of this did not prepare me to ask for help. I was the help, the intervention, the relief.

I have learned to ask for help, so maybe now I am at elementary school level of parenting. After much introspection, I have also stopped feeling like a failure for asking for help. Let me lead you through my journey.

I started 3 of my kids in therapy, one for anxiety and panic attacks, and two for ADHD and other neurospicy stuff. I also have one of them in neurofeedback therapy. With that being said I felt a little bit like a failure because I have all this previous experience and knowledge, but couldn’t figure out how to help my kids.

I don’t remember why I started thinking about my village, but when I did I realized something. I teach kids piano lessons whose parents know how to play the piano and could teach them piano, but don’t. I don’t see those parents as failures. I see them offering their kids an opportunity. Maybe they aren’t confident in their teaching skills, maybe personalities clashed and their relationships suffered, and needed someone else to do the teaching to save the relationship, maybe they didn’t have enough energy or time, or maybe they just needed a different perspective.

As I followed that thought I realized that our therapists are now part of our village. My kids needed a different perspective, and I get new perspectives and ideas when I go to the parent meetings.

The moral of the story is it takes a village and it’s ok to ask your village for help.

Missy