Some people can get away with playing the “what if” game and come out okay. Those people tend to be optimists.
“What if something remarkable happens today?”
“What if I land the job of my dreams?”
“What if I met someone today who would change my life?”
That’s not how I play the “what if” game. My “what if” tends to look more like this:
“What if I’m late to work and no one ever trusts me again?”
“What if I go on this date and he turns out to be a stalker?”
“What if I host a party and I don’t have enough chairs set up and everyone hates it and hates me?”
“What if I post something on social media or on this blog that ends up getting used against me in some way?”
“What if I buy this thing I want and can afford but then later some disaster strikes and I need this money for something else?”
“What if these bad days/weeks turn into a full blown depressive episode?”
I’m REALLY good at coming up with “what if” scenarios. Too good for my own good.
Recently I came across an Instagram post that has stuck in my head. If I had known just how much it would stick, I would’ve made a note of who posted it, so I could credit them. Hindsight is 20/20 and I don’t have the information to properly give credit for this.
The gist of the post was this:
Instead of saying “what if”, say “even if”.
Excuse me. Hold up a moment while Amelia’s brain reboots.
That is supremely simple and unambiguously profound.
I may not be able to convince my brain to stop considering every possible future scenario. You know what I can do? Move past the fear of “what if” and turn it into the confidence of “even if”.
“Even if I’m late to work, I will be able to manage the embarrassment. Even if I am late to work and cause problems for myself, I am capable of addressing those problems.”
“Even if I go on this date and he turns out to be a stalker (or it’s a horrible date or I puke during dinner, etc. etc. etc.), I know I have a support system I can turn to for help.”
“Even if I host a party and everyone hates it (which, really Amelia, is unlikely–not everyone is going to have a blast, but it is equally unlikely that everyone will hate it), I know that I still have friends who love me and care for me. Even if things go poorly, I can learn from my mistakes.”
“Even if I post something on social media or this blog that turns out to bite me in the butt, my self-worth is not tied to the approval of strangers on the internet.”1
“Even if I experience financial hardship because of a reckless purchase (or several reckless purchases), I know that I have planned and continue to plan for rainy days. Even if those rainy days come and take me by surprise, I will be able to rebuild.”
“Even if this slump turns into a full blown depressive episode, I will survive. It will suck. It might be several years before I feel better. And I will make it through that just like I’ve made it through every time before now.”
I have been in the whole mental health school of hard knocks for years. Literally decades. I have encountered so very many different coping techniques and skills and such. Some of them have been effective. Some of those that are effective are only effective if I can implement them, and I’m not always in a place where I can actually implement them (when you are low enough, some coping skills become inaccessible). A lot of them are marginally effective for me, and to try to do ALL of them is simply impossible.
But this? This I can do. This is something my brain actually buys into. I’m not desperately trying to pretend hard enough that I force my brain to believe it.
I. Can. Do. This.
To the internet stranger who shared that piece of wisdom: Thank you.
- I’ll be honest, I’m struggling to change this into a good “even if”, because what I fear most in writing this blog is not whether people judge me but if I inadvertently reveal something that allows internet strangers to attack me in person or my real-life reputation. Not sure what my “even if” would be in that case. ↩︎
Emotional Support Sisters 
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