Emotional Support Sisters

Laundry. I feel like it is a necessary evil. The easiest solution is for everyone to become a nudist and then there would be no more laundry. I don’t think that it is the most practical solution for a myriad of other reasons. Frostbite comes to mind.

When my kids were younger I just did it all. I washed, dried, folded, and put away. I even ironed clothes at night while I was watching TV (I don’t iron anymore). As the kids got a little older I started having them put their own clothes away after I had done everything else.

Then I started having them help fold. That is when things started getting a little messy and a lot frustrating. It would take them 2 hours to fold what took me 10 minutes. They would leave clothes in piles in the middle of the floor because “They  aren’t mine and I don’t know who’s they are.” Socks and underwear rapidly disappeared. It did not save me time, energy, or effort.  I stopped having them fold the laundry except for in dire circumstances.

Shortly after the laundry folding fiasco summer came and I decided that if the kids did their own laundry they wouldn’t have the “I don’t know who’s clothes these are” piles all over the place. Not only was I wrong about that, but they would also forget to switch laundry over. That led to me wanting to do my laundry only to find wet stinky clothes needing to be rewashed and kids running out of underwear and socks.

So I gave up. I begrudgingly just did the laundry and made them put it away. I did not, however, give up on thinking about how to get the kids helping more with the laundry. One of my jobs as a mom is to make sure that when my kids are grown-ups they have basic life skills, one of the skill being laundry.

A few months ago I had a breakthrough and came up with a system that, so far, is working.  I wash and dry everyone’s laundry on Wednesday. If they need something washed on another day they are responsible for doing it. In the laundry room I have a rack that has 4 laundry bags hanging on it. Each kid has their own bag. If I have the time and energy I will fold for them and then put it in their bag. If I don’t, then it goes into their bag unfolded and they are responsible for folding it. Either way it is sorted, contained, and not making giant messes all over. The bags also give them a spot to put each other’s laundry if they are doing their own laundry and someone else’s clothes have snuck into the wash. It turns out the piles of “I don’t know who’s clothes these are” ate actually piles of “this is not mine so I don’t want to deal with it.” Having a place for it, and not being required to fold someone else’s clothes has eliminated the piles. Eventually I want everyone doing all of their own laundry, but for now this is a good compromise

You might be thinking “What does a functioning laundry system have to do with a mental health blog?” 

It is something I have done to improve my mental health.  It has delegated tasks that take up my energy. I do not have to micromanage the system. Micromanaging for me feels like having to make decisions over and over and over again. Do I ask them to do it? Do I let it sit there and drive me bonkers, hoping someone notices it and takes care of it? Do I just do it and not ask for help? I’d have this argument in my head all the time. For some people this might not seem like a big deal, but for some one who has executive function dysfunction (my new term for ADHD, because I think it better describes my experience with ADHD) it is a big deal. Decision making is hard. I now don’t have to make the decision. It has been made. And taking just one decision away feels so good.