Emotional Support Sisters

Chronic illness changes your life experience. Therefore, it can change your perspective on a few things. 

Maybe more than a few things.

Occasionally, that change in perspective means that things that other people really enjoy, you don’t. It just isn’t your cup of tea. 

The holidays (I’m thinking specifically of Thanksgiving and Christmas, but it isn’t limited it to those two) can be one of those things. 

In the week preceding Thanksgiving, I felt an equal amount of joyful anticipation and mild dread. I knew I would be able to spend time with my extended family. This is something that truly brings me joy. Also, having everybody together at once is chaotic and I get overstimulated. In the days following this exciting extravaganza, I needed to recover from all the excitement. This is, I feel, a fairly benign example of what I’m trying to talk about. 

Other examples might be:

• Staying inside while others play in the snow because the cold exacerbates your pain.
• Avoiding get-togethers that revolve around food because if you eat that food you will be sick for days.
• Isolating because your immune system can’t handle the germ-fest that is a family gathering.
• Eschewing decorations because you don’t have the energy to put them up.
• Battling through the overstimulation of a children’s choir concert to be supportive, then crashing for some length of time because you are out of spoons¹.

This sort of thing isn’t holiday specific. And yet, as the world around you focuses on experiencing all the joy the season has to offer, it can feel more significant to not experience the magic in quite the same way.

“But I don’t want to be a Humbug!”

I understand that fear. I really do.

Working with little kids I’ve heard a great phrase. “Don’t yuck someone else’s yum.” We can dislike or find something unpleasant. That’s fine. Everyone has different likes and dislikes. As long as we don’t “yuck” someone else’s “yum”, then you aren’t being a Humbug.

I am reminding myself that it’s okay if it isn’t my cup of tea. And now I’m reminding you: It’s okay if it isn’t your cup of tea. You don’t have to feel guilty if you don’t love the same things everyone else seems to enjoy. Give yourself permission to not enjoy it.

1. We still haven’t done a post on spoons. We will. Promise. ↩︎