Emotional Support Sisters

I wrote this post last winter, and then never actually posted it. I’m posting it today because I was out of town last week and kinda maybe forgot all about writing something for today until now, while I’m sitting in my car waiting for my daughter to finish up therapy. I wrote it as a form of therapy for me. Sometimes writing out my frustrations helps me let them go, but for it to really work for me I have to write it for an audience, even if the audience never actually sees it. Now you get to enjoy my self-therapy and be my audience.

I’m lying in bed at 4 o’clock this afternoon snuggled up in my nightgown (because yes I wear a nightgown, but we can talk clothes sensitivities another time) trying to stay warm while I’m icing my neck, and frustrated that I did not get my to do list done because chronic illness strikes again. Why am I icing my neck while it is below freezing outside? Tension headache that has morphed into a migraine with nausea. Why am I not sleeping it off? Because my brain has gone into overdrive and won’t shut down. What was on my to do list? Go to Costco and do 30 min of yoga. I got Costco done, but the yoga will have to wait.

Living with a chronic illness that flares up is like living with a toddler, but the toddler is inside of you. You can have a day planned, and I’d like to note that there was not much planned for my day, and all your plans can go down in flames because the toddler decides to throw gigantic tantrum because it is tired, or overworked, or the temperature is wrong. Sometimes we know what sets off the tantrum, like hormones. Sometimes I can not plan for what will set the tantrum off, like random food.

I try to mitigate circumstances like this, but I can not control everything. It is hard to let go of the control, but one thing that chronic illness has taught me is to let go of control. Somethings are just out of my control and life is less stressful if I am able to roll with it.

Flare ups also help me be grateful for the healthy moments. Yesterday I made and decorated sugar cookies with my family. I was able to clean that mess up and still have time to make cinnamon rolls for a friend breakfast this morning. I have to be grateful for the memories and experiences I was able to make with my family, rather than wallow in the pain and frustration that I am currently feeling.

Missy