Emotional Support Sisters

Yay for being pregnant! It’s such a beautiful time of life. Except that it sucks the life out of you. You literally have a little parasite growing inside of you controlling how you feel and what you want to eat. 

It took a while for me to get pregnant, so I have a small glimpse of what the feelings of infertility are like. It is hard to see all of your friends having babies and what you wouldn’t give to have one of your own. I get that.

I don’t want to invalidate my experience of being pregnant either.

Both experiences are valid. And difficult.

Since I was having a hard time getting pregnant– it had been about 1-2 years— I was about to do testing to see what was going on. I had to wait for my period to come in order to do the testing, but my period never came, and… I think you know the rest.

When I found out I was pregnant I was shocked and so excited! I found out around 5:30 AM (My job started at 6:30 AM, and I took it when I woke up for work). I woke my husband up to tell him and he was all out of sorts and squinty eyed trying to see what I was holding up to show him. I even took a picture of the pregnancy test so I knew it was for real. It turns out I was only 4 weeks pregnant when I took the test. When I went in to the doctor 2 weeks later he said I was only 6 weeks. I was a little bummed I wasn’t farther along, but still grateful I was even pregnant at all. 

At my first appointment my doctor asked if I wanted any anti-nausea medicine. I told him no because I felt great! 

Then it hit. 

A couple weeks later my morning sickness was horrible. I was so sick! Strangely enough I never threw up until my second trimester, but I was so nauseated that I had to take a sick day and got a prescription for some anti-nausea medication. The rest of my pregnancy I was popping those pills every 4-5 hours most days. 

The morning sickness seemed to get worse if I didn’t get enough sleep. And I needed a lot of it! I talked to my boss about my situation and I was able to come in later. He was very kind and easy to work with. Even with an awesome boss and co-workers, the long hours at work took a toll on my body and my mental health. Similar to my school anxiety, I would get anxiety in the mornings before work (not just at this job. Pretty much every job I’ve had). This anxiety topped with the relentless morning sickness and raging hormones pushed me over the edge. I had A LOT of morning meltdowns because I felt like absolute garbage. I just wanted to stay in bed all day! At work I had all kinds of snacks and lozenges to help with the nausea along with the anti-nausea medicine. One time before I told my coworkers that I was pregnant, I popped one of the anti-nausea pills as I was talking to a coworker and she asked me if I was sick… I panicked because I wasn’t going to tell them until closer to the second trimester and so I told her “oh, no, just allergies.” One of my anxiety/OCD things is hyper-honesty, so I feel bad that I lied. But I told them eventually. And I do have allergies. I’m trying to justify myself to you, the reader, even though you probably don’t care. Don’t mind me. Haha. 

When I would get home from work I hardly had time to decompress and spend time with my husband – I had to be in bed by 8 PM because my body was exhausted and the nausea would be even worse than in the morning. Some days I didn’t get home until 6-6:30, so I barely had time to eat dinner before I needed to lay down. I wanted to quit so bad. I’m pretty sure I had the thought to quit every day. But my husband was in medical school and didn’t have a job (which is normal for a med student. Don’t be hating. He’s anything but lazy), and I wanted to work as much as possible so we could save money. By some miracle I was able to work until 5 days before I had my baby. It was tough on me physically and mentally, but I did it. I survived. Kudos to any woman who has worked or gone to school while pregnant. Kudos to any woman who has been pregnant. It’s really hard.

P.S. I’m not saying you have to torture yourself like I did to earn some sort of badge of toughness. If you are financially able to not work, do what you need to take care of yourself.

P.P.S Since I think it’s therapeutic and fun to talk about weird pregnancy symptoms, I want to share some of mine.

I craved cinnamon rolls and blue Powerade.

I once had a fruit dip and was sorely disappointed when it tasted like ranch. My husband claims that it was indeed a fruit dip and did not taste like ranch. I’m still not sure if I believe him.

I would sometimes pee my pants as I was puking.

Starting in my second trimester I couldn’t eat anything with flavor or it would make me puke. The spices I could have were salt, pepper, and maybe garlic. I was so happy when I could eat again after I gave birth. It all started when I had Cafe Rio with my husband’s family. On our way home my bowels were on FIRE. I tried to keep it cool because my husband’s cousins were in the car, but when we parked I booked it inside. Luckily, I made it to the bathroom. The instant I sat on that toilet, the kraken was unleashed out of both ends. It’s such fun deciding where to puke when you’re having an explosion out of your butthole. Don’t worry, I had a garbage can nearby. We were supposed to meet up at a family member’s house after that. I decided to stay home.

Now that I’ve overshared, what were some of your pregnancy symptoms?

– Rae