Emotional Support Sisters

What if invisible illnesses were superpowers? If that were the case, my superhero name would be Anxiety Girl and my superpowers would be anti-procrastination and over-preparation. Have an essay due? I start working on it weeks in advance. Packing for a trip? I’ve got tampons for years. I developed these superpowers very young in order to cope with my anxiety.

Anti-procrastination:

School was not my favorite – I especially hated homework. Even more than hating homework, I hated the anxiety that I felt when I was behind in my classwork. My hatred of feeling anxiety outweighed my hatred for homework. I did my homework to cope and got really good grades as a result – not for love of school, but as self-preservation. Not the healthiest reason to do things, but it got me through. 

Another thing that caused me a lot of anxiety was if I didn’t understand the subject being taught, especially in math. If I didn’t grasp a concept during a lecture my mind would shut down – I couldn’t listen anymore because it would make me even more anxious, but then I would get even more behind because I couldn’t listen. It was a recipe for disaster in the form of a meltdown once I got home. How I kept that at bay was by asking the teacher questions after the lecture (at their desk. I hated asking questions in front of the whole class) or getting help from friends and family outside of class. I also kept on top of my assignments so that I could understand the content (which is what homework is for in the first place I guess…). This superpower has transferred nicely into the workplace and I have been able to be successful in many jobs I have pursued. So as crappy as anxiety feels, it can be a good motivator for me to get things done.

Over-preparation (WARNING: MENSTRUATION TALK AHEAD)

I’m not sure how else to put this one, but I get anxious if I don’t know when I’ll have access to a bathroom, or have the ability to take care of my bodily needs. I should preface what I’m about to say by letting you know that I was (and still am) a big rule follower. I had a hard time seeing the grey areas of life. So when teachers said you couldn’t leave the classroom without permission, I took that to the extreme. Something that happens to me (which I’ve learned recently doesn’t happen to everyone) is I get uncontrollable cough attacks when recovering from a cold. If I was having a cough attack during class, I would hold in the cough until my eyes were watering and I couldn’t suppress the coughing anymore. I would go up to the teachers desk in this state and they would be like “are you okay?” and I would utter the best I could that I needed a drink. Once they gave me permission, I would go hack my lungs out in the hallway and get a drink. Looking back I wish they would have clarified those rules for my little anxious self who only saw the world in black and white.

Now for the menstruation talk I warned you about. My anxiety amplified by 1000000% when I first started my period. My world had ended as I knew it. There were so many changes to deal with and I had so many worries. I was worried about being inconspicuous when carrying pads or tampons in my pocket because in junior high, we weren’t allowed to take our backpacks anywhere. You know how junior high is – everything is embarrassing and you don’t want people to know you’re on your period. I was also so worried about leaking that I would use a pad and tampon at the same time (Maybe lots of people do that. I don’t actually know. I don’t usually ask people their feminine hygiene habits. Feel free to share in the comments haha). Honestly, I still usually use a pad and tampon because leaking is just the worst. One of my more irrational period fears was getting toxic shock syndrome (TSS). I was (and still am to some extent) terrified of using a tampon too long and getting TSS, so I worried about when I would be able to change my tampon again. But anxiety isn’t always rational. And I’m sure some of you are like “just use a pad to eliminate the worry altogether!” Here’s the thing. I hate the feeling of leaking uncontrollably, a constant wet diaper, and not knowing if you’re bleeding through your pants or not. I don’t know how you straight up pad users do it. But I digress… Once I got to high school I was able to handle the whole period thing better. I had time to get used to it and have a routine (routines are another important coping skill for me) and I was able to take my backpack with me wherever. Now that I’m a grownup I’m doing great handling my period thanks for asking.

Those are two of my main causes for anxiety, and the two main superpowers I possess to keep Anxiety Girl in check. I have other triggers, but maybe I’ll save those for another time.

Thanks for reading this far into my post. To conclude, I want to share some other ways I cope with my general stress/anxiety:

• Taking big deep breaths, holding them for a second, and letting it out slowly

• Getting enough sleep. My mental health declines severely and swiftly when I don’t get enough sleep. 

• Talking things out. My anxiety causes my brain to get foggy and jumbled. If I can talk to someone about what is bothering me it helps me make sense of everything and realize that the problem is fixable

•  Relaxation like taking a bath or watching a show

I also have some coping mechanisms that I consider “less good.” I want to share some of them with you, because we all have less good coping skills, and I hope people can feel less alone by me sharing:

• Picking – I’m a picker. When I’m stressed about something, I pick. Even when I’m not stressed, I pick. You could say I’m a “popaholic.” I have a zit? I’ll pick the you-know-what out of it. Blackheads? I’m all over it. Nonexistent comedones? Guilty.

• Eating – This one isn’t too bad for me, but man I crave the sweets and they are a comfort food when I’m stressed.

• Saying something unkind or lashing out verbally. Thankfully I am pretty good at holding my tongue so this doesn’t happen very often anymore.

– Rae